I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
