pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
