hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
