I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
