Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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