whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
