my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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