I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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