I want to stick my p in your. b.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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