I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
