My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
