I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
