I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
