I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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