Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
