she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
