someone owes me an orgasm
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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