Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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