I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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