We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
