im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
