If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize