She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
