oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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