My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
