I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
