so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
