I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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