I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
