Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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