we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it was like eating out sand paper
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
