I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
