I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize