Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
