im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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