hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize