Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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