Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
