Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Randomize
