And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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