found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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