I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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