Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
