My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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