i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
