Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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