The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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