My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i came on her dog
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize