theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
