If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
