Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
