also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need water and some morals
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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