I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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