If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
