Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
