Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
