the condom got lost in my hair
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
