Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
