I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
