Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
