you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize