Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
