its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
FUCK WHALES
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