Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
