when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just forgot I was standing up.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
