I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
